The Joys of Valentine's Day
by Flowerperson
Summary: It's February 14th—St Valentine's Day. Most people think it's great but not a certain Kai Hiwatari. Indeed, what does the aloof beyblader do to pass the day? Why, burn his fanmail [and fanfiction] of course!


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Beyblade.  
**Title: **The Joys of Valentine's Day  
**Rating: **T  
**Categories: **Humor/Parody  
**Summary: **It's February 14th—St Valentine's Day. Most people think it's great but not a certain Kai Hiwatari. Indeed, what does the aloof beyblader do to pass the day? Why, burn his fanmail (and fanfiction) of course!  
**Feedback: **Appreciated.  
**Status: **One-shot  
**Word Count: **946  
**Notes: **Sudden inspiration when I realised that tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I was planning on doing a humor Valentine's fic anyway.

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**THE JOYS OF VALENTINE'S DAY**

_It's February 14th—St Valentine's Day. Most people think it's great but not a certain Kai Hiwatari. Indeed, what does the aloof beyblader do to pass the day? Why, burn his fanmail (and fanfiction) of course!_

**_Flowerperson  
_**© 2006

* * *

It was February 14th—St Valentine's Day. Many couples were out swooning over each other whilst singletons were flirting with an attractive member of the opposite (or same, depending on what sexuality you were) gender. Not Kai, however. He was sitting in front of the fireplace in his extravagant mansion, burning his fanmail.

Marriage proposal...

Marriage proposal...

Ooh! A death threat! He'd put that in the '_LMAO_' pile, not that Kai would ever laugh his ass off because that was a very un-Kai-like thing to do. Would he be Mr Cold and Aloof (as voted by '_Beygirl'_) if he did? No! Kai Hiwatari had to keep his tough, cold, never-gonna-even-smile-unless-I'm-being-evil-or-defeating-and-humiliating-Tyson.

Marriage proposal...

Threesome proposal... (Kai shuddered at that and instantly threw it into the fireplace that he sat in front of, resisting the urge to laugh manically as the paper burned in the orange, red and gold flames, turning a dark brown and crumbling into a hoary ash.)

Marriage proposal...

Death threat... (into the _'LMAO'_ pile—everyone knew that the only reason people hated him was because they were Tyson's fans and that spoke for their sanity)

Marriage proposal... (gee, he did get a lot of these...)

Marriage proposal...

Yaoi fanfiction starring him and Tyson with a one-sided Kai/Ray...

He blinked a few times before ripping the papers—he had to rip them separately for the fanfiction was like a whole novel—into tiny pieces and shoving them into the fire whilst shuddering. Why did people not understand? Just because he didn't go around flirting with girls, didn't mean that he was homosexual! And even if he was, there was no way in hell that he would even consider having a 'romantic affair' with the blue-haired idiot.

Nuh-uh. Never.

The same was with Ray. Sure, out of the Blade-Breakers he was the one Kai could tolerate the most but they weren't going to have any sort of relationship either. He'd remembered other fictions sent to him that put him in a heterosexual pairing with Hilary.

Great. Pair him up with the bossy loudmouth who thought that she knew everything. Oh yes, he deeply cared for her and had harbored a secret love since he ever set eyes on her. One word: '...No'. He'd seen similar fan-stories (seriously, did they have nothing better to do with their life?) pairing him and Mariah, the pink-haired, bimbo neko-jin.

Argh! She was just as annoying as Hilary! Besides, Hilary and Tyson were practically made for each other and Mariah and Ray were constantly making eyes at each other. Kai hated it when he became part of a 'love triangle'.

And a story he had recently been sent (Flower...something had signed it) was pairing him up with a beyblader called 'Mariam'. At first he thought it was the dreaded **_'OC_**' (he shuddered once more) but then realised that she was actually a beyblader. She was part of the Something-Shields... (oh well, it really didn't matter).

Needless to say, all fanfiction was to be burned, burned, burned!

Finished with the pile, the Russian took a deep breath and ran a hand through his slate, wild hair. He wondered if all this stress would make his hair fall out, then cringed as he imagined an image of himself bald. Oh, the horrors!

But at least he was finished now. It was half past eleven and to his surprise, he had finished before the day was done. Last year, it had taken him until three in the morning. It made him wonder why he didn't just burn it without opening it but sometimes the threats to his life really were amusing.

Still, he was finished! Hallelujah! He wasn't religious, but praise the Lord! Kai—suffering from a whole day of reading and burning mail—considered running around jumping for joy but decided against it; that would be very un-Kai-like behavior.

He did dislike being cooped up in his home but last time he had ventured out on Valentine's Day was indeed a terrifying event...

-

"_Kai!" "Kai, sign my t-shirt!" "Kai, marry me!" "Kai, I love you!" "Where are you going, Kai?" "Kai!" "Kai!" "KAI!"_

_Kai, being as unfortunate as he was, had walked into a whole gathering of obsessive fangirls and they had chased him down the street whilst he tried to find some escape. Last time he had used Dranzer to just 'frighten' them off but one of the girls had been injured and he had had to pay her money, and visit her in hospital. She took a photo and professed to the world that they were a 'couple'._

_Back to his escape. Kai climbed over the fence, relieved to finally be free of the psychopaths. Except... there happened to be a rather fierce bull terrier on the other side. The dog growled, drool dripping down its fangs._

_He wondered what he should chance: the fangirls or the dog._

_Alas, his favorite pants were ripped far beyond repair._

_-_

So in his mansion he would remain, until St Valentine's Day was no more (there were still crazy fangirls and rabid dogs, but he was sure going out on St Valentine's Day was just a taboo).

"Are you finished with that pile, Master Kai?" a greying (and balding) man said as he walked in, holding a wheelbarrow that was full of more pink and white envelopes. Kai's eyes turned as wide as saucers.

"What! There's MORE!"

"Of course, sir. And there's two whole skips in the back."

And such were the joys of Valentine's Day for Kai.


End file.
